The Incestuous Bushwick Single Life

April 4, 2014 3 1221 Uncategorized
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At times it can be difficult not to grow dangerously inquisitive of what it might be like to truly spiral out of control and hit rock bottom. Fortunately for the sake of everyone, a far greater portion of us know better, allowing us time to take the reins before matters become too wack. There are the rare occasions in which it is acceptable for us to succumb to the very tempting activities of self destruction and over indulgence, but while many merely dip their toes in the water, the opportunities to dive right in are ubiquitous here in Bushwick. If you are a local or even just an occasional visitor, then you probably know one or more of these divers, perhaps you are one.

The prototype mentioned.

The prototype mentioned.

These are the “Bushwick sluts” and would likely do well in the hypothetical situation of a cocaine Olympics. These are people who utilize the hedonistic qualities of Bushwick to the fullest extent (seemingly) without shame and every local bartender knows everything about their personal lives. It’s no wonder that a neighborhood equipped with these bleeding hearts would have a shit-show excuse for a “dating” scene. In fact, there is a 99.9% chance that if you are a Bushwick resident, you are connected to literally everyone who isn’t a child or old as fuck by some degrees of separation. The other 0.1% are virgins. What may appear to be droids fueled by booze, Roberta’s pizza, and hard drugs, these lechers of the community are people too, although we can’t promise that they will make a decent sexual partner for more than fifteen minutes.

Potential foursome?

Potential foursome?

Bushwick is growing more incestuous everyday and you may have realized this once you walked into a bar and noticed that half of the people in it have seen you naked. As a single woman, I understand that the struggle for some action is real, but take the time to visualize a Bushwick flow chart and it might be almost enough to get you to start using condoms. A word of advice, get an OkCupid or Tinder and start finding hookups outside of the neighborhood. They’re a lot easier to get rid of when you need to and the chances of you running into them will plummet. The convenience of having a booty call who lives in the same building as you just isn’t worth it.

Photo Credits: Brokelyn.com, Bushwickblockparty.tumblr.com, Robertas.tumblr.com

Written By: Nicole Benson

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