The Plot of The Graduate Is Expected to Be in Full Force For Mother’s Day This Weekend

May 9, 2015 Comments Off on The Plot of The Graduate Is Expected to Be in Full Force For Mother’s Day This Weekend 524 News
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After the catastrophic, barf-ridden Mother’s Day brunch at Tandem last year, Bushwick “children” were hoping to have a quiet, drama-free celebration this weekend, but, thus far, signs are already pointing to debauchedness (where do you think Bushwickians get it from if not their parents?) of a Mrs. Robinson variety.

Just one of the many moms who have successfully lured Bushwick boyfriends this weekend

Just one of the many moms who have successfully lured Bushwick boyfriends this weekend

24-year-old Jennifer Brest’s mother, Marianne, a 56-year-old, has already started making sexual advances on her boyfriend of three years, Miguel Lascivo, a 29-year-old who always kind of had a thing for Marianne. And this isn’t the only instance of faint gerontophilia The Burning Bush has noticed already this weekend as a surge of matriarchal energy¬†infiltrates the neighborhood for Mother’s Day 2015.

Len Grosso, a 33-year-old, was seduced by his girlfriend's grandmother over dinner at Roberta's before Mother's Day even happened

Len Grosso, a 33-year-old, was seduced by his girlfriend’s grandmother over dinner at Roberta’s before Mother’s Day even happened

Len Grosso, a 33-year-old who was dating 29-year-old Lisa Spurned, a hair stylist at Self Salon, admitted, “I fell hard and fast for Lisa’s grandma this weekend. We just clicked over our introduction dinner at Roberta’s. From her knowledge of World War Two weapons to her keen ability to bake, I knew we were meant to be.” So if you’re a female resident of Bushwick, The Burning Bush recommends hiding your boyfriends from your mothers (and even grandmothers) while you still can this weekend.

Written by Genna Rivieccio

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