After the catastrophic, barf-ridden Mother’s Day brunch at Tandem last year, Bushwick “children” were hoping to have a quiet, drama-free celebration this weekend, but, thus far, signs are already pointing to debauchedness (where do you think Bushwickians get it from if not their parents?) of a Mrs. Robinson variety.
24-year-old Jennifer Brest’s mother, Marianne, a 56-year-old, has already started making sexual advances on her boyfriend of three years, Miguel Lascivo, a 29-year-old who always kind of had a thing for Marianne. And this isn’t the only instance of faint gerontophilia The Burning Bush has noticed already this weekend as a surge of matriarchal energy infiltrates the neighborhood for Mother’s Day 2015.
Len Grosso, a 33-year-old who was dating 29-year-old Lisa Spurned, a hair stylist at Self Salon, admitted, “I fell hard and fast for Lisa’s grandma this weekend. We just clicked over our introduction dinner at Roberta’s. From her knowledge of World War Two weapons to her keen ability to bake, I knew we were meant to be.” So if you’re a female resident of Bushwick, The Burning Bush recommends hiding your boyfriends from your mothers (and even grandmothers) while you still can this weekend.
Written by Genna Rivieccio