The Type of Person You Are/Become As You Ride Down the L Line

August 1, 2014 18 3720 Burned by The Bush
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The L train is a key artery in what contributes to the Bushwick heart attack. Without it, we would never run into people we hate/had that one-night stand with last week (or was it two weeks ago?). In any case, in this edition of Burned by the Bush, we give you a breakdown of who you are or who you will become as a result of living off or hanging out near these stops. And, to paraphrase something Samantha Jones once said, “Where we live off the L train is who we are in life.”

The L train already tells you who you are so you don't have to do any self-searching

The L train already tells you who you are so you don’t have to do any self-searching

Bedford Avenue: Rich douche bag/trust fund baby/dickless man (see: missingadick.com). 

The mark of a tool

The mark of a tool

Lorimer Street: You weren’t rich enough to live on Bedford Avenue. Or you’re just trying to transfer to or from the G train.

Lorimer means you're probably just trying to get to the G train

Lorimer means you’re probably just trying to get to the G train

Graham Avenue: You fancy yourself down to earth and constantly searching for the perfect middle ground. With Graham Avenue located in the ether between nouveau riche Williamsburg and nouvelle vague Bushwick, you think this area is best for your particular needs. Or you’re a seventh generation Italian.

Playing the neutral card

Playing the neutral card

Grand Street: You were in a sorority or fraternity at one point, and this is where you ended up in an attempt to compensate for your former assholishness–by becoming a part of the “art scene.” But you’re really just there for the row of endless bars starting with Bushwick Country Club.

Lady Jay's is part of the string of bars on Greek row

Lady Jay’s is part of the string of bars on Greek row

Montrose Avenue: You aren’t comfortable with the whole “gentrification trend,” and this is your way of deluding yourself into thinking you’re not a part of it.
Montrose, vaguely desolate... for now

Montrose, vaguely desolate… for now

Morgan Avenue: You wanted to live in Little Times Square without actually having to move to Manhattan.
The new Times Square, now that Williamsburg has already been transformed

The new Times Square, now that Williamsburg has already been transformed

Jefferson Street: You’re from suburbia and this is the best way to re-create that aesthetic while still being a part of “bohemia.”

Just suburban enough to feel like where you came from

Just suburban enough to feel like where you came from

Dekalb Avenue: You dig being cat called.

She wants the D if she's hanging out around Dekalb

She wants the D if she’s hanging out around Dekalb

Myrtle-Wyckoff Avenues: You wanted to be in the middle of nowhere in a place that calls itself Queef. That, or you wanted to be near one of the last Carvels (in Ridgewood).

Industrial, yes, but not the new Morgan

Industrial, yes, but not the new Morgan

Halsey Street: You’re trying to convince yourself that this is the final frontier, that it’s eventually going to turn out the way Morgan Avenue did. It’s not.

Welcome to the L train's bowels

Welcome to the L train’s bowels

Wilson Avenue: You’re extremely broke and don’t care about staying in your apartment all the time as there’s fuck-all in this area.

And that’s about where the Bushwick paradigm ends on the L train. To go further down would be to admit that Broadway-Junction is our future. And that’s one reality we’re not quite prepared to face when discussing real estate trends.

Written by Genna Rivieccio

 

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