The L train is a key artery in what contributes to the Bushwick heart attack. Without it, we would never run into people we hate/had that one-night stand with last week (or was it two weeks ago?). In any case, in this edition of Burned by the Bush, we give you a breakdown of who you are or who you will become as a result of living off or hanging out near these stops. And, to paraphrase something Samantha Jones once said, “Where we live off the L train is who we are in life.”
Bedford Avenue: Rich douche bag/trust fund baby/dickless man (see: missingadick.com).
Lorimer Street: You weren’t rich enough to live on Bedford Avenue. Or you’re just trying to transfer to or from the G train.
Graham Avenue: You fancy yourself down to earth and constantly searching for the perfect middle ground. With Graham Avenue located in the ether between nouveau riche Williamsburg and nouvelle vague Bushwick, you think this area is best for your particular needs. Or you’re a seventh generation Italian.
Grand Street: You were in a sorority or fraternity at one point, and this is where you ended up in an attempt to compensate for your former assholishness–by becoming a part of the “art scene.” But you’re really just there for the row of endless bars starting with Bushwick Country Club.
Jefferson Street: You’re from suburbia and this is the best way to re-create that aesthetic while still being a part of “bohemia.”
Dekalb Avenue: You dig being cat called.
Myrtle-Wyckoff Avenues: You wanted to be in the middle of nowhere in a place that calls itself Queef. That, or you wanted to be near one of the last Carvels (in Ridgewood).
Halsey Street: You’re trying to convince yourself that this is the final frontier, that it’s eventually going to turn out the way Morgan Avenue did. It’s not.
Wilson Avenue: You’re extremely broke and don’t care about staying in your apartment all the time as there’s fuck-all in this area.
And that’s about where the Bushwick paradigm ends on the L train. To go further down would be to admit that Broadway-Junction is our future. And that’s one reality we’re not quite prepared to face when discussing real estate trends.
Written by Genna Rivieccio