Thief Steals Fixie, Doesn’t Know How to Ride Fixie

January 29, 2015 Comments Off on Thief Steals Fixie, Doesn’t Know How to Ride Fixie 1671 Hipster Commentary, News
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In an effort to bring back Bushwick’s bad old days, serial bike thief Mike Peddlar hit North Brooklyn Cycles during business hours this past weekend for its most expensive model, the Bianchi Super Pista, which clocks in at around $1,600. The smooth criminal walked in and picked the bike up off the wall, lifting it up and down while commenting on its “surprisingly lithe, weightless form,” according to shop owner Mark Fixigod. “One minute he’s holding it and the next he’s mounted the thing, full on speeding down Knickerbocker.”

The thief was immediately targeted via wanted signs throughout the neighborhood

The thief was immediately targeted via wanted signs throughout the neighborhood

Peddlar only had two blocks to travel, as that’s where the getaway trailer was set up, ramp down and all. But as Peddlar approached the ramp, he felt in vain around the handlebars for brake levers, only to find out that there were none (for the uninitiated, ‘brakeless’ bikes are stopped by applying back pressure to the peddles, which requires practiced technique and strong legs).

Moments before the bike was stolen by Peddlar

Moments before the bike was stolen by Peddlar

Unable to bring the machine to a halt, Peddlar could not gracefully ascend the ramp as planned—instead unexpectedly smashing into the trailer. Having been traveling at around 25 miles per hour, according to witnesses, he sustained serious injuries: snaps to seventeen spinal vertebrae, cracked skull, torn tongue and a chipped fingernail (left pinky). Mark Fixigod is glad that “karmic justice” was served. He just wishes the bike weren’t totaled in the process. “We have all our premium models equipped with tracking devices, so we weren’t too worried recovering the thing,” he said.

Written by jaytoles

 

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