While Bushwickians suffered greatly as a result of Winter Storm Juno earlier this week–from limited alcohol supplies to a run on kale at Brooklyn’s Natural–there is, at last, a light at the end of the overstocked tunnel. Almost as though some sort of gift from the party gods (some just call him Dionysus), the “blizzard” has come just in time for Bushwickians to consume their unused excess of provisions to host Super Bowl parties throughout the neighborhood.
While the closest most residents have come to enjoying a sports game is taking in a bocce ball match put on by We the Femmes, Bushwickians can’t pass up the chance to get rid of their bounty via the excuse of throwing a not so polite fête. “I’ve heard something about, like, Portland‘s team being involved or something, but, all I really know about it is Katy Perry is singing,” said Basique Beech, the most loved/hated hostess at Dear Bushwick.
Another resident, Sheri Pansy, the 29-year-old CFO of Drink Your Feelings, told The Burning Bush, “Initially, I was angry at everyone. At De Blasio, at Brooklyn’s Natural–but most of all at myself. I couldn’t believe how much money I had wasted. But then someone mentioned the Super Bowl was coming up this weekend, and a great weight was lifted off of me–and out of my cabinets.” And so, Pansy cordially invites everyone to her Super Bowl party on Sunday at 4 p.m., at an address to be disclosed to anyone who emails firstname.lastname@example.org for details.
Written by Genna Rivieccio