Titty Tease Combines Everyone’s Two Favorite Things: Tits & Pizza

March 6, 2015 3 1315 Bars, Local Business, Pizza
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With the roaring success of Titty Tease’s allover jug decor, owner Tonya Castrate has secured enough funds to expand her Bushwick empire across the street in the form of a late-night joint¬†called Pizza Boner. “It seemed like a natural pairing to me. Everyone at Titty Tease is always fiending for a late night snack after our mac and cheese/chili menu runs out. I figured, ‘Why not profit from everyone’s hunger by opening an outpost nearby?'”

Pizza Boner mascot

Pizza Boner mascot

Although Pizza Boner ousted another pizza establishment in order to buy the space (it smacks vaguely of something Roberta’s would try to do to Paulie Gee’s) on the same block at Himrod and Knickerbocker, Castrate claimed, “There’s no hard feelings. The guy wanted to move to Detroit and try his luck there. The overhead’s much less costly in Michigan. And anyway, I can’t be concerned about ‘hurting people’ at this point in my career as a business owner.”

Castrate plans to set up a delivery service with big-titted women as the delivery people

Castrate plans to set up a delivery service with big-titted women as the delivery people

While no one imagined that Titty Tease would be such a hit in the neighborhood due to its feminist overtones and lack of showcasing bona fide, touchable titties, Castrate hit the jackpot, drawing customers in with an exclusive Bushwick-themed board game and the type of kitsch decor one would only expect to find in Philadelphia. “Now that I’ve mastered the bar scene, the restaurant world is my next avenue to conquer.” Castrate also stated that she would soon be setting up a delivery service featuring solely big-titted women offering up the goods (pizza, that is) with a smile, to boot. A complimentary Blowfish hangover effervescent tablet, as well as a bottle of coconut water, will also be made available to first-time orderers placing a delivery request in the morning. With business acumen like this, other local pizza options are in severe danger.

Written by Genna Rivieccio

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