Tomo Is Where You Take Your Secret Sex Dates

June 15, 2016 Comments Off on Tomo Is Where You Take Your Secret Sex Dates 402 Local Business, News

If you’ve ever noticed the Twilight Zone feel of walking into Tomo to pick up food, then you’re well aware of exactly the type of mixed bag clientele scattered throughout the strategically lined, dimly lit tables that populate the space.

"Shh, don't tell anyone about me secret sex"

“Shh, don’t tell anyone about me secret sex”

The bizarre vibes only intensify in the evening, where, like Mr. Big, they take their season one Carrie Bradshaws to the darkened locale for the sole purpose of keeping a low profile. “Secret sex never really occurred to me as a concept until I started ‘dating’ this guy who would always take me to Tomo,” commented Laura Perpluxxed, a 25-year-old who isn’t exactly Bushwick slut hot.

Strategic lighting hides one's date from the public eye

Strategic lighting hides one’s date from the public eye

“I mean, he lives nowhere near there, actually. He’s all the way down on Myrtle-Wyckoff. And the more I thought about it, because, you know, it’s not like the sushi is Momo-level good, the more I realized I was his secret sex. A person he was ashamed to be seen with,” she concluded. When the object of her desire, Rick Basta, a 30-year-old who works in the finance sector (yes, finance bros have come to Myrtle-Wyckoff), was asked to confirm or deny the accusation, he, indeed, confirmed. “Look, she’s not from my ‘world’ okay? I can’t risk taking her somewhere like Roberta’s–more public, more mainstream, and having someone I know catch me with her. Tomo is a haven for protection against that.” Keep that in mind next time someone takes you there and you question if the food is really that good.

Written by Genna Rivieccio, many people’s secret sex

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