The Fyre Festival had a great impact on everyone, even those not directly involved. After all, it could have happened to any one of us “millennials” easily duped by the promise of attractive people and, erm, Ja Rule. So affecting was the festival’s aftermath that, in response to the approximately twenty Bushwickians and East Williamsburgians that got stranded at the Exuma “International” Airport, the House of Maybe organized a disaster relief fund for the victims.
Thus, when pizza lovers both local and as far-reaching as D.C. shelled out a minimum of $75 to partake of what was promised to be a smattering of all the best slices from the borough, there was a certain quality (and quantity) anticipated. What was served, instead, just so happened to be baby-sized slices of OMG Pizza and Little Caesar’s. But the organizers, Joey Delafonte and Roberta Delamonte, two Long Island residents with a rap sheet filled with previous food scams throughout the city, couldn’t pull the wool over these “aficionados'” eyes.
True aficionados of pizza, however, were showing no sympathy for the “retards” foolish enough to think any festival held in a Bushwick parking lot would amount to anything other than tears and disappointment. “It really serves them right for being so susceptible to such a blatant marketing scheme,” goaded Cecil Pompadour, a food critic for Gas(tro) Magazine. Furthermore, local victims of the Fyre Festival were, frankly, insulted that those in attendance at the New York Pizza Festival would liken their situation to what happened on that horrific weekend in the Bahamas. One anonymous survivor commented, “It’s still too soon to be cracking jokes about the Fyre Festival, and the trauma the attendees–or would-be attendees–suffered. To compare what these pizza ‘connoisseurs’ went through is nothing. I’d take a fart of a pizza slice any day over being trapped in an airport with a group of panicked white people.”
Written by Genna Rivieccio