Just when you though the addition of Heels to supplement the strip club lack in the form of Pumps in this town was enough, the swapping out of fifty homeless men at the Porter Avenue shelter in favor of fifty sex offenders has presented a new kind of void with regard to fetish strip clubs.
“Heels was a great start toward solving the problem of puritanism in Bushwick,” stated Heels owner Illuminata Valdez, “But now, we need to expand on that with more tailored options for sex offenders with specific proclivities.” The “proclivities” Valdez wants to cater to at her sex emporium, which will be called Idée Fixe, include male and female strippers dressed in such styles as the Catholic schoolgirl, the Catholic schoolboy and the baby.
“We also want to let the sex offenders choose which gender they prefer to dance and gyrate before them: male, female or trans. There’s no judgment at Idée Fixe,” assured Valdez. Currently, she’s working on scouting a location that’s 1,000 feet or more away from any schools or parks, so it may take a while to find just the right spot. Stay tuned for updates as we embark upon this sex offender-filled time in Bushwick.
Written by Genna Rivieccio