As the basiques often like to believe, Bushwick is a hub for weirdos and differents of an artistic bent–though in actuality it’s a hub for richies and normals who have the means to create what they feel is “art.” However, if you as a Bushwickian are able to navigate your way to the far reaches of the Upper East Side, you’ll soon see that, no, all the weirdos are truly there.
This discovery was made by our foreign correspondent (foreign being Manhattan), Smoking Barrel, who also took you to Food Bazaar to share with you the latest gentrification update pertaining to mayonnaise. “I was appalled to find many old ladies making sounds with their gums, children who talked like college students and neurotic Jewish men flocking to the area near Sarge’s. It has been an extremely harrowing experience and I only went because of Gossip Girl,” stated Barrel, age undisclosed.
Confirming these facts was Bensonia, who served time working at Bare Burger in the Flatiron area. “Yeah, it’s not quite the Upper East Side, but it’s close enough. There were all these bros there grunting at me at me and women who would only talk about Tory Burch. It was the weirdest thing I ever encountered,” said Bensonia, age immortal. All in all, it seems like if you’re a true weirdo you should definitely move to the Upper East Side, where the rent is also more affordable.
Written by Genna Rivieccio