More than a condition immortalized by Charlotte York, vulvodynia is taking over Bushwick vaginas everywhere as a result of the depression stemming from local men who have no idea how to fuck adequately. As an epidemic that continues to spread with each new generation (primarily caused by being glued to various screens that only encourage a low libido), the intensity of vulvodynia has accordingly strengthened.
Enter “garden” acupuncture–called such because of the marijuana factor–a trend that’s obviously been taking Park Slope by storm for quite some time now as a result of how crestfallen vaginas become after birthing and having to realize that they’ll never be able to receive dicks in quite the same way again. The owner of the treatment center Pump Up the Vulva, Maryann Pubees, a 38-year-old from Berkeley, discussed her expansion to Bushwick.
“I’ve talked to a lot of my clients who come here all the way from Bushwick specifically to get the services I’m offering here at Pump Up the Vulva, and I see very clearly that there’s a need in that neighborhood. Women are not happy if their vaginas aren’t, and I wanna be the person to provide that vaginal fulfillment.” That being said, Pubees’ signature weed-infused acupuncture needles and healing workshop will be coming to Lot 45 next week. Local Bushwickians with ovaries (no gender discrimination) can sign up for the Tuesday or Wednesday “slot” until Pubees finds a more permanent space for her brand. So cheer up, vagina. It’s not all near orgasms and blood spewing.
Written by Genna Rivieccio