With Hillary Clinton set on world domination by appealing to just the sort of person who lives in Bushwick, it’s only natural that her headquarters would be based in the area, specifically the basement of Roberta’s. Hillary’s determination to win, however, has been thrown off by the wave of support for her Democratic competitor, Bernie Sanders.
So enamored of Sanders’ political views are Bushwickians, in fact, that a fundraiser for the white-haired man is being thrown on Wednesday at Tommy Noneck’s, the lead singer of the Dirty Whores, loft near Forrest Point. Complementary drinks made by Miles (to capture the “adult feel” that only cocktails can) and free food catered by Bushwick’s Living Room across the street are sure to make those who paid the $100 fee to get in feel that it was worthwhile.
Noneck stated to The Burning Bush, “It’s come to our attention that Hillary’s henchwomen have already infiltrated my loft with the attempt to rig it with literal land mines that would leave Bernie dead and gone before he had the chance to change this country. I know Hill has put a lot of money into her campaign and would do anything to win, but trying to sabotage a good-natured fundraiser makes me understand why Bill cheated on her.”
Since the incident, Noneck has increased security and released a public statement to Bushwick Bugle comparing Hillary’s campaign tactics to “a heinous combination of Stalin and Nixon.” With this major setback, will Hillary be able to win back the hearts of Bushwickians after Sanders rolls through town?
Written by Genna Rivieccio