While reports of West Nile in Brooklyn have caused panic among the southern residents of the borough, Bushwickians are unfazed by the news as they riddle their body with essential nutrients like weed and pizza–and weed-laced pizza.
“Yeah, I’ve gotten like a lot of mosquito bites this summer, but it seems like they all just waste away after biting me. Like literally, there’s a pile of them in the corner of the apartment that just flew there to die after sucking from my blood,” bragged Jordan Braggart, a 29-year-old who goes to the WeWork building a lot, though it’s unclear what he does.
Others claimed not getting any bites at all this season. “I’ve sat in backyards with massive puddles and weird plants this summer, but nothing,” noted Lacey Hemo, a 22-year-old who subsists on a diet of Hestia cigarettes and leftovers from her McKibbin refrigerator. “The fact is, mosquitos can’t digest Bushwickian blood. It’s, to be frank, jank blood,” stated Maureen Juger of the Center for Disease Control. So keep doing what you’re doing Bushwick, it will save you in the end.
Written by Genna Rivieccio