What Lies Beneath the “Happy” in Happy Fun Hideaway?

April 19, 2014 4 4566 Bushwick Jobs, Local Business, News
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The seedy underbelly of a place called Happy Fun Hideaway is easy to pull apart at the seams. The name of the bar, after all, is so clearly trying to cover something up. Ultimately, what could be happy or fun about a place that smells like armpit and has an off brand Jenga set?

Off brand Jenga

Off brand Jenga

The Burning Bush spoke with a former bartender from the establishment, who insisted on the alias Jamanda Hologram. When asked what really goes on behind the scenes at the bar, Hologram replied warily, “It’s all in the title. It’s a hideaway. For prostitution.” Hologram lit up a cigarette and proceeded to cough for several seconds before taking a drag.

HFH ambience

HFH ambience

If you’ve ever been to Happy Fun Hideaway, you’ll know that the layout and decor doesn’t exactly entice or incite one to want to have sex there. But Hologram was adamant. “It all goes on after hours. It’s the perfect place for prostitutes to congregate and bring back their clients. Sometimes you would have four, five fucks going on at the same time. And I would have to be the one to monitor it all. Even thought about getting in on it myself a few times. But I decided to keep my integrity intact.”

Frito Pie and Peanuts in the Shell are also names of services on the prostitute menu

Frito Pie and Peanuts in the Shell are also names of services on the prostitute menu

Hologram wouldn’t say who exactly runs this prostitution ring, or how one can actually gain access to the exclusive services of the Happy Fun Hideaway prostitutes. But it’s clear now why the bar is called something so decidedly sinister. If you have any information regarding who the ringleader of this secret sex den is, contact The Burning Bush. In the meantime, err on the side of caution when you sit down in one of the seats at this bar. There might be jizz everywhere.

Written by Genna Rivieccio

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