As you already know, white people are the enemy. The source for everything that’s wrong in New York, really. That’s why a new initiative to ban whites in Bushwick from expressing any sort of opinion at all on the ever-changing landscape of the neighborhood has been put into effect by the Bushwick Committee of Regulation.
The spokesperson for the committee, Wayne Jejune, explained some of the reasoning for this new change (a.k.a. censorship) to The Burning Bush, an entity that’s actually a large factor in Jejune’s considerations. “We just know that a lot of people have been a little up in arms lately over new whites in Bushwick who feel like they’re allowed to talk shit about the rapid ‘growth’ in the community. Incidentally, most of these people are whites who moved here before 2010. That’s why we think it’s only fair to give these pioneers a bit of a break by forbidding newcomers from expressing anything even remotely resembling an opinion on gentrification. The penalty for violating this new initiative is sicking Spike Lee on the perpetrator.”
Jejune went on to say, “The Burning Bush is another source of concern for our committee. We don’t feel your attitude about Bushwick is promoting the positive vibes necessary to maintain peace in a climate that’s becoming evermore perilous with regard to the relationship between original Bushwick whites and new Bushwick whites. We may need to shut you down.” That’s when Jejune proceeded to have a coughing fit because he’s over thirty, and we promptly took leave of the interview. Because the only way The Burning Bush shuts down is if Bushwick becomes less rife with material to eviscerate.
Written by Genna Rivieccio