Late Monday night, The Burning Bush’s editor-in-chief and co-founder, Smoking Barrel a.k.a. The Wicked Bitch of Bushwick, was arrested for charges of sushi theft at local restaurant Momo. Our sources tell us that Ms. Barrel racked up a $289 bill of fresh maki and sake before leaving the restaurant to smoke a cigarette and never coming back. When the authorities found her, Ms. Barrel was urinating behind a dumpster on White Street.
An undisclosed person close to Ms. Barrel posted her five thousand dollar bail early Tuesday morning after she pled guilty. When asked what led to her theft, she said, “How am I supposed to afford three hundreds dollars of sushi? It’s, like, the only good food that’s still healthy, I mean it’s so hard to eat well and stay skinny in Bushwick. Do you really expect me to go to King fucking [sic] Noodle?”
Smoking Barrel plans to continue stealing sushi for the foreseeable future. She stated that she “give[s] no fucks,” and has to enforce her image “to keep being The Wicked Bitch of Bushwick.”
Written by Daniel “Darnell” Adler, correspondent at large