If you’ve noticed the smell of burning over the past few days, it’s not just the vaginal logo of The Burning Bush. A recent fire near Wilson Avenue has spurred a police investigation into the true cause of what really triggered it.
As previously reported, Noel Arsoniste was responsible for setting CitiStorage ablaze as punishment for Williamsburg allowing “itself to devolve into what it’s become.” Evidently, this didn’t fly with one dickless denizen named Marco Penizo, a 33-year-old who has been plotting revenge on Bushwick ever since the fire was set near his condo.
Unfortunately, the extent of the fire was not quite as damaging as Penizo had hoped, with only one floor of a house experiencing any kind of blemish. However, the police were tipped off to the fire being arson-related after discovering a large pubic hair near some matches on the floor of the living room. The pube was plucked, bagged and sent to the lab where Penizo’s name immediately came up in the database. The owner of the destroyed home, Anna Undastandin, a 44-year-old who won the lottery at a bodega on Knickerbocker about ten years ago and has been sitting pretty ever since, stated, “In a way, I respect the statement Penizo was trying to make. It shows that maybe someone in Williamsburg still has balls.”
Written by Genna Rivieccio