It’s not every day that a person is willing to get stabbed for a party. After all, no one even dresses themselves these days in anything other than a mermaid tail blanket or bothers to curate a well-thought out playlist–why would you want to die for a fête with people like this in the mix?
The answer comes from the recently famed host of a little shindig on Metropolitan Avenue, Martine L’Usurpe, a 34-year-old web designer who has wanted to get back at all the uncouth Bushwickians who thought their parties were so much more superior in their gaucheness. “I wanted to show Bushwickians that we’re willing to die for a good time. All they’re willing to do is engage in some light finger banging and maybe some coke snorting in the bathroom.”
That’s when Maisie Mundane, a 31-year-old with an indiscernible profession, unwittingly decided to grant L’Usurpe her wish by stepping in to apprehend the knife-wielding ex-girlfriend of the DJ whose set list almost got interrupted by her murderous jealousy. She’s now the stuff of Williamsburg party lore, and already has a business set up specifically to utilize her talent as a body capable of taking a stab wound at any party that might be subject to the presence of a psycho (which is every party).
Written by Genna Rivieccio