Woman Wakes Up From Coma After 30 Years, Decides To Stay In It After Seeing Bushwick Gentrification

March 27, 2015 1 768 Gentrification
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Fortunata Maldonado, a 55-year-old native Bushwickian who went into a coma at 25 after being shot near her spinal cord while in the crossfire of a gang fight, recently awoke from her slumber at first a bit groggy, then a bit excited and then outright pissed.

Maldonado, pissed over gentrification that's happened since she's been in a coma

Maldonado, pissed over gentrification that’s happened since she’s been in a coma

Maldonado, who lived in Bushwick at one of the primes of its ratchetness, was shocked to find that her family members had not only moved out of their apartment off the Wilson Avenue stop and into one overlooking Maria Hernandez Park, but that they also seemed to have undergone Michael Jackson whiteness surgery as well.

One of Maldonado's family members, who underwent skin transformation surgery to fit into the new Bushwick

One of Maldonado’s family members, who underwent skin transformation surgery to fit into the new Bushwick

Before willingly re-entering her coma (in spite of protests from Woodhull staff members), Maldonado issued a statement to The Burning Bush: “What’s the point of returning to the new realities of Bushwick? I can’t afford this shit, and I don’t even fit in here no more ’cause I ain’t the same shade as a vanilla soft serve. Do they still even make those anymore? I just don’t got a place here no more. So fuck it. Back into the coma.” She then shot herself in the stomach and let herself bleed out in the waiting area near the Keith Haring mural, knowing full well it would take hours before a Woodhull doctor would assist her. So at least, in that respect, nothing’s really changed around here.

Written by Genna Rivieccio

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