Zombies Implicated in Discarded Coffin Near The Evergreens Cemetery

May 7, 2015 Comments Off on Zombies Implicated in Discarded Coffin Near The Evergreens Cemetery 477 News
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Living in Bushwick long enough is bound to turn you into a zombie after a certain amount of time. Rotely drinking, fucking, snorting coke and what have you begins to feel almost as mechanical as breathing. But in addition to the human zombies of Bushwick, it would seem that the dead ones are eager to make their presence known as the fun of summer begins.

Zombie's coffin left behind so it could party

Zombie’s coffin left behind so it could party

That’s why the discovery of a discarded–and more than just gently used coffin–in The Evergreens Cemetery on Bushwick Avenue of the Wilson or Bushwick-Aberdeen L stop (in case you’re interested in taking a visit) is sure to be only the first indication of zombies becoming a more active part of human zombies’ daily life in Bushwick.

Hipster zombies looking to have a good time

Hipster zombies looking to have a good time

Resident corpse, Petey Pestilence, grunted briefly to The Burning Bush about his concerns over the imminent zombie takeover. “It’s one thing to be a corpse hanging out, keeping to yourself while you drink at a bar. But it’s quite another to ingratiate yourself with the normals. You have to keep separate from them if you want to have any kind of peace. But zombies don’t want peace, dig? The police of the 83rd precinct have informed the public that the zombie is estimated to be approximately 25 years old and was last seen wearing jeans and a The Fixx t-shirt. Any information leading to the apprehending of this male or female zombie is requested. Send tips to burningbushwick@gmail.com.

Written by Genna Rivieccio

 

 

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